


Leftover Spaghetti

by xxenjoy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Dean POV, EMT!Cas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Frottage, M/M, Non-Penetrative Sex, Roommates, bed sharing, nightclub bombing, non-explicit bombing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 03:17:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19985197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxenjoy/pseuds/xxenjoy
Summary: When Dean needs a place to live, he ends up finding Cas - an EMT with a less-than-ideal work schedule. Things are good until they're not, and then Dean realizes that maybe what he feels for Cas is more than just their usual not-friendship.





	Leftover Spaghetti

House hunting always sucks, but doing it on a strict budget and an even stricter time limit is the worst. The apartment Dean's been living in for the past two years just sold to new owners and after an inspection, the entire building has been condemned. Now he's stuck with two weeks to find a new place to live or else he has to crash on someone's couch - and he doesn't want to be a burden to any of his friends. He's been looking through ads online and in the newspaper, but every time he finds one that seems suitable, it's either too expensive or isn't available until far after his deadline. 

It's late afternoon on a Sunday and Dean's just about to give up the search and call Aaron to see if he can crash there for a little while when Sam texts him. The first message comes through and it's nothing but a phone number, so Dean texts back a series of question marks and waits for a response. 

_**< < It's a room for rent. Apparently, the guy has been looking for someone for months but no one wants to rent from him. ** _

_> > Sounds suspicious. _

_**< < Just give him a call, there's no harm in checking it out right? It's a little way out of the city, but it's not too far from the clinic.** _

_> > Yeah, alright, I'll give him a call. Thanks, Sammy, I appreciate it. _

Dean scrolls back up to the number and considers it again for a second; he's going in blind - all he has to go on is a phone number and the little bit of information Sam gave him. Still, he's desperate and he'd rather rent a room than sleep on a couch, so he taps out the number and presses the call button. 

The phone rings so many times Dean nearly gives up, but just as he pulls his phone away from his ear, a voice comes across the line, rough and scratchy and a little breathless. Dean's brain immediately goes to the inappropriate; if this guy is fucking someone at this time of the evening, is Dean really going to want to live with him? The last thing he wants is to walk in on his brand new roommate fucking someone in their living room. He remembers himself quickly enough, clearing his throat before saying a friendly hello. 

"I got your number from my brother, he said you might have a room for rent?"

"Uh," comes the voice again, "um, yeah. Hold on one second." There's some scuffling on the other end and then the sound of a shower being turned off - a more logical explanation for the irritation in this guy's voice. The only problem is now Dean's picturing him naked and if his voice is anything to go by, the image in his head isn't far off. 

"Sorry about that," the guy rumbles again, "you were asking about the room for rent?"

"Yeah, is it still available?"

"It is," he sounds skeptical and that right there should be a red flag, but Dean is desperate and when he's desperate he doesn't really think straight. 

"Any chance I could come by and see it?" He presses, trying to sound assuring, to confirm that he's not just going to back out at the last second.

"Um, yeah. I work tonight, how would tomorrow be for you?"

"Perfect, I'm free any time."

"How about eleven then?"

"Great. What's the address?"

"7492 Marine Drive, right on the corner - it's the big greyish blue building, you can't miss it."

"Sounds good. I'll give you a call before I head out to make sure you're around."

"Okay." 

"Have a good night, then."

"You too."

Dean ends the call and sets his phone down on the couch. This is a good start; so long as the guy isn't a creep and the house isn't a disaster, he'll take it. For the time being, he's going to shower and make sure he's presentable in the morning because he wants to make the best impression that he can.

\- - - - -

In the morning, Dean wakes up feeling anxious; he's running out of time and if this meeting doesn't go well he might have to follow through on his plan to call Aaron. He gets up out of bed and puts on a pot of coffee before heading back into the bedroom to pick out something to wear. It shouldn't be so difficult to find an outfit - all he needs is something that looks good and doesn't present him as a slob - but this morning he's struggling.

Once he's dressed and caffeinated, Dean checks the clock one last time before heading out to meet with his hopefully soon-to-be roommate. He's still a little antsy, but when he gets behind the wheel of his car, he turns up the stereo and it helps to settle his nerves. Before pulling out of the garage, he texts Sam to let him know he's heading out to see about a place and Sam just texts back a sincere _good luck!_ and Dean can't help but smile to himself and he drops his phone on the passenger seat. 

It's only half-past ten when he arrives at the address, but he wanted to be early in case he got turned around somehow. He parks on the side of the road about a block away and grabs his phone to call again and make sure it's okay to come up. This time the guy picks up almost immediately this time. 

"Cas speaking."

"Hey, uh, it's Dean- Dean Winchester. I spoke to you yesterday about the room for rent?"

"You're early," he says bluntly and Dean shuts his eyes, regretting calling so soon. "I appreciate that. You can come up, it's unit 34."

"Alright. See you in a second then." He hangs up a little too quickly and regrets it. Just the nerves, he reminds thinks, once he gets up there and talks to the guy, he'll be fine. He gets out of the car and locks it, rubbing clammy palms on his jeans before heading around the corner to the apartment building. 

Despite its size in comparison to the other buildings on the block, the apartment is unassuming; grey-blue like it was described with white trim around the windows and door. It looks like a senior's residence, but the posters on the bulletin board when he walks into the lobby say otherwise. Mostly they're ads for sales and the like, but there's a poster for a new LGBT club opening up a few blocks away and a sticker in the corner that reads _Love Wins_ and Dean feels significantly more comfortable in the place. 

He takes the stairs up instead of the elevator to give him a little extra time to relax. Unit 34 isn't hard to find and he takes a deep breath before knocking on the door. After a second it pulls open and Dean can feel how fast his heart is beating when a scruffy, bright-eyed man looks out at him. 

"Dean, right?"

"Uh, yeah," he says, holding his hand out a little too quickly to shake. 

"Nice to meet you, Dean, I'm Cas. Come in."

"You too." Dean follows him into the apartment, doing his best to keep from staring at Cas because the mental image he created of the guy was nothing compared to what he's seeing now, even fully dressed. The apartment isn't as small as he expected; open and bright with wooden floors and a big glass door leading out to a balcony. There must be something really wrong, Dean thinks, if this place is as cheap as Sam says and it's still available. 

"It's just the two bedrooms, so it would just be the two of us - I hate to ask, but are you single?"

"Yeah," Dean huffs awkwardly, "it's just me."

"Any pets?"

"Nope. None."

"I have a cat," Cas says bluntly, "he's around somewhere, probably."

"Cats are cool." Dean shuts his eyes, sighing at himself. _Idiot_. Cas smiles at him but thankfully doesn't comment. 

"If you want to come with me, I'll show you the room?" Dean nods and follows after him down the hall. There are three doors in the hall and Cas points them out as a linen cupboard, the spare bedroom, and the bathroom respectively. He pushes open the second door to the bedroom and lets Dean in ahead of him, standing back in the doorway as Dean looks around. 

The room is like the rest of the apartment - bigger and much nicer than expected with dark hard floors and off white walls. There's a window on the outside wall and Dean can already picture his things set up around it, sitting and watching out the window in the evenings when it rains. 

"It's nice," he says, which is an understatement, but he doesn't want to seem overenthusiastic. 

"Rent is $900 a month each, including utilities and internet. The only thing is I'm sort of in and out all hours for work, it's been a problem for my roommates in the past."

"Hey man, as long as you're not coming in to wake me up when you leave, I'm good." 

Cas smiles widely at him and Dean can't help but return the gesture. "I'll do my best not to. You don't smoke do you?" Dean shakes his head and Cas beams at him again. "When can you move in?"

"Honestly? As soon as possible."

\- - - - -

Dean's moved in within the week. It's difficult because he only has a few hours after work to get everything from one apartment to the other, but between him and Sam, they make it work. Sometimes Cas is there and sometimes he's out. On Wednesday when Dean brings the last of his stuff over, Cas is unconscious on the couch in his uniform and Dean steadfastly ignores the living room - mostly because he doesn't want to wake Cas up, but also because he wasn't warned that his already gorgeous new roommate wore a uniform to work.

For the first little while, everything is great; Dean keeps to himself for the most part because, although he and Cas get along well enough, they rarely see each other in the first few weeks and Dean likes to keep himself to himself a lot of the time anyway. Cas is in and out at all hours like he said, but it doesn't bother Dean much at first - not at least until it starts to disrupt his sleep schedule. 

The decision to study to become a vet comes unexpectedly only a week after Dean moves in and the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes this is exactly what he wants to do. The idea of going back to school at 28 is a little intimidating, but he's been in the same line of work for years without wanting to change, so he's not worried about changing his mind after a year of schooling. 

He registers for his courses and he's accepted into all but on, though he's added to a waitlist for the last. Everything goes smoothly up until the point where he actually starts going to his classes. 

His shifts at the Veterinary clinic have been cut back to evenings and weekends and he's on-call so if he's not at class he can pick up a shift here and there. After a couple of weeks, he's exhausted, but he likes his classes and for the most part, he likes his work, so he sticks with it, putting as much of himself into it as he can without wearing himself too thin. Sam is a great help, encouraging him on the bad days and taking him out for dinner or bringing food over when he's too exhausted to cook. 

Cas is like a ghost in his life; he sees the clean dishes sitting in the rack or the leftover food in the fridge, but Cas has been taking on a lot of extra shifts lately, usually late at night, and Dean's only seen him maybe two days this week. He's always friendly when he does see him though, and Dean's just glad he's got a roommate who keeps out of his way. 

Only then it's not so great. Cas' hours get more absurd, and with Dean studying and doing homework, he's stressed out and his sleep schedule is bad enough as it is, but now Cas' routine is starting to interfere his own. He doesn't say much about it, and Cas will apologize the next morning if they see each other, but it really gets to him. Even over Christmas break, Dean spends half his time off sleeping just to catch up. 

He knows it's not Cas' fault, and he moved in knowing Cas worked all sorts of hours, but the lack of sleep makes him irritable and the added stress of work and school is a bad combination. The rent is cheap and Cas is a good guy, so Dean keeps his mouth shut about it, but the truth is it's starting to wear on him. 

It all comes to a head one evening when Cas gets called into an emergency just after three in the afternoon. Dean knows he got in late last night or early this morning because Cas woke him up when he got into the shower. He didn't get back to sleep after that, so when Cas comes into the kitchen looking like he could kill someone, Dean's already in a bad mood. 

"Late night?" he jokes. It's a jab and Cas realizes it, turning and glaring at him like he'd like nothing more than to shut him up for good. Dean's feeling bitter and tired and he hasn't eaten yet, so instead of backing off or apologizing, he just adds, "you look like shit, man," as he turns back to the counter. Cas sighs heavily behind him and Dean physically starts as Cas slams something down on the counter behind him. 

"Right," he mutters and Dean realizes it was his bag that slammed down on the counter. "Well, I hope you enjoyed your sleep. I'm going to be home early so if you can keep it down in the morning, that would be great."

Dean huffs and speaks before he can think. He doesn't want to start an argument, per se, but he's pissed because he's been silent about Cas coming home at all hours and has never so much as mentioned him waking him up, but he does now.

"Like you do?" Cas just levels him with a death glare. 

"I'm so fucking sorry," he spits and before Dean can retort, he's pulled his bag from the counter and he's out the front door. Dean thinks bitterly to himself as he digs through the cupboards to find something to eat. Sure, he gets that Cas is grumpy because he was home late and probably didn't get much sleep before having to go _back_ to work, but Dean's fucking tired too and he's been shutting up about it for months. 

In terms of fights Dean's had with his roommates, this is minor, but he can't stop thinking about it after Cas leaves; it distracts him to the point where he can't even focus on his reading and he gives up and finds a movie to watch instead. No matter what he tries though, he can't focus because he feels like a dick; it's not like he ever mentioned to Cas that he was waking him up, so throwing all of that on him this morning was shitty. Maybe when he gets home he'll talk to him, or maybe tomorrow night considering he'll probably be at school when Cas gets home, and then Cas will sleep all day. Dean sighs and drops his head back against the couch. It's never been so hard to try and talk to someone before; he's never had to schedule a time to have a conversation.

He thinks about it for a long time before resigning himself to figuring it out later and finishing his homework. By the time he finishes and starts his dinner, he's still thinking about Cas and he doesn't know if the uneven tone in his voice was anger or upset or just a figment of Dean's overactive imagination - a product of his guilt - but he can't stop hearing it over in his head. 

He doesn't read into it as he adds an extra serving of pasta into the pot and digs out the larger jar of tomato sauce. It only makes sense that he'd make extra, right? Because Cas will be home late and won't be able to make himself dinner without waking Dean up. That's all, Dean just doesn't want to be woken up. And if it helps mend the rift between them, all the better for it. 

Which is why he also makes extra garlic bread and wraps some up, uncooked, in a piece of tinfoil with a little note to throw it in the toaster oven. Just so Cas can eat without disrupting Dean's sleep. There's nothing else to it. 

Only the next morning when he wakes up to make breakfast, there's a little thank you note on the counter and Dean's stomach flip-flops at the sight of it. He takes a moment to breathe and then takes the note and folds it up before shoving it in his back pocket and continuing on making his breakfast. 

The next morning, when Dean offers his leftovers to a groggy, sleep-deprived Cas, he gets a soft quiet smile in return and it sticks with him for the rest of the day. It's not his fault Cas is beautiful, or that those rare smiles are enough to brighten up his whole day or that he looks so damn good in his uniform that Dean gets a little breathless whenever he's around. He tells himself that these things are normal and that it's just because Cas is, objectively, insanely fucking hot. It's easy to believe when they don't talk much and they work opposite shifts, but then things get complicated. 

Cas starts working almost exclusively at night and one of Dean's classes gets switched because the professor who was teaching quits mid-semester. The only person who will take on another class on such short notice has a second job during the day and so, Dean ends up taking night classes. Dean's willing to give up his evenings if it means not having to repeat the course next year, but it also means having to spend a lot more time during the day at home and lately, so is Cas. 

It's not bad, per se, in fact, most people would consider it a good thing to find out they have a lot more in common with their roommate than they thought - and Dean does like their mid-afternoon horror movie marathons. It's just that when he thinks of Cas as a friend and not just as a roommate, he starts to get all these feelings about him - feelings he'd rather not think about, thank you very much. He has enough going on with school and his now-part-time job and keeping up with Sam and his friends without having to worry about dating, though the idea of having Cas as a boyfriend isn't wholly objectionable. 

He tries not to think too much about it because thinking of Cas as his boyfriend leads to thinking of Cas in other ways and he tries _not_ to think about him like that. Cas doesn't seem to share his thoughts or his feelings, so when they're together, Dean tries to keep it as casual as possible to not make it weird, especially considering he hasn't given himself time to really stop and look at these feelings and figure out what they mean. 

This newfound friendship is great, Dean discovers, up until the point where they try to plan a time to go see _It_ in theatres and it just doesn't work. There's a window of about a month, but whenever Dean doesn't have his evening class, Cas is working and even if he thinks he can get someone to cover, it's usually when Dean either works early or has work and class the next morning, and when he doesn't get enough sleep he's useless at both. 

It sucks, and it seems to be the first in a long string of days they don't see each other and as much as Dean hated it before, he kind of misses being woken up by Cas in the middle of the night. Now it almost feels like he lives alone. Except now, every night when he works late or comes home from his late class, there's food in the fridge for him. When he can, he does his best to repay the favour, though he learns quickly that Cas is a much better, more efficient cook than he is; the kitchen very rarely looks like it was used when Cas is done, whereas Dean has to spend half an hour tidying up afterward. 

One evening he gets home to find Cas passed out on the couch, still in his uniform, with movie credits rolling in the background and all at once Dean understands all the stupid feelings and what they really mean. It takes everything in him not to kiss Cas' forehead as he pulls a blanket over him on his way to bed. 

Dean doesn't sleep that night, lying awake thinking about him and Cas and about how it wouldn't work even if Cas felt the same; they never see each other and Dean's kind of a mess right now trying to figure out where he is between school and work and what he wants. Although lately, what he wants is becoming a lot more clear to him. Still, he pushes past it and focuses on work and school and enjoys the minimal time he does get to spend with Cas. 

Then one night there's a bombing at the new nightclub that just opened. Dean's sitting in the living room when he hears about it and his initial response is despair and concern that the victims could be his friends or classmates. He's about to call Cas in to see what happened, but when he turns around Cas is right there, pulling his jacket over his shoulders and Dean's heart sinks. His mouth opens like he wants to say something, but he can't find the words to tell Cas he doesn't want him down there, that he's afraid if he goes he could get hurt. Cas knows, regardless of Dean's sudden silence, and he offers him up a half-smile that Dean knows is forced. 

"Don't go." The words drop from Dean's lips seemingly of their own volition and he doesn't even realize he's actually said them out loud until Cas shakes his head softly.

"You know I have to. I'll let you know what's going on as soon as I can." He slips out the door quietly and Dean can't bring himself to watch him go because he has a sinking feeling that it's not safe and that this could be the last time they see each other, and all of a sudden it doesn't seem ridiculous to tell Cas how he feels, but it's too late. 

His hands shake as he picks up the remote and turns the TV on, searching for any news on the bombing so he can keep an eye on what's happening. He's got a class at eight the next morning, but despite his best efforts, he can't sleep or even rest, and every time he shuts his eyes he thinks about Cas out there and he knows Cas knows what he's doing, that he's good at his job and he's done this before, but it doesn't stop him from worrying. He bundles himself up in the couch blanket and strains for any glimpse of first responders or anyone who looks even vaguely like Cas, but there's nothing. 

About half an hour after Cas leaves, there's another explosion. It's not as big as the first, but it happens live on air and it's big enough that Dean starts to panic again because this time Cas is down there, and it's not like he can just call and tell Dean he's okay. Everything goes blurry and the news camera wobbles and Dean doesn't know what to do so he does the first thing he can think of and calls Sam. 

He scrolls through his contacts with shaky fingers and he can't feel anything as he presses the call button next to Sam's name. The phone rings and rings before a groggy voice picks up on the other end. 

"Dean?" He asks, "Is everything okay, it's like two in the morning."

Shit, he hadn't even checked the time. "Sorry, I just- Cas-" he chokes back a sob and shuts his eyes, "Sam, I-"

"Hey, hey," Sam says gently, "what's going on?"

"There was an explosion-"

"Okay," Sam breathes, "start from the beginning."

Dean explains as well as he can, everything that happened and that he's seen on the news and Sam turns his own TV on so he can keep up with it. Every few minutes, they update the number of victims and every time they do, Dean feels like he's going to throw up because he has no way to tell if one of them is Cas. 

"I should go down there-" he starts, but Sam is quick to cut him off. 

"No, you shouldn't. You'd only be putting yourself at risk and you wouldn't even be able to get close enough to see if he's there-"

"I can't just do nothing, I love him."

There's dead silence for a moment and Dean realizes what he said, but he doesn't try to take it back. Sam doesn't comment. "Sam I can't just sit here."

"That's the best thing for you to do," Sam says, and his voice is so damn steady - or maybe Dean's is just broken. "Be there for him when he gets home. Look, I've never done anything like he does but it can't be easy to see those kinds of things first hand. Let him come home to someone who cares for him."

"Okay," he breathes, "I can do that." 

"You want me to stay?"

"If you don't mind."

"Course not."

After a little bit, there are no further explosions and the bomb squad shows up to sift through the remains of the building to ensure there aren't any more bombs. Dean has calmed down significantly, but he a lot of that is due to the whiskey he's been sipping for the last hour. 

It's just after six when there's a knock on the door and Dean's dead tired and so emotionally overwhelmed he doesn't even consider that it could be Cas. 

"There's someone here," he mumbles, preparing himself for the worst. 

"Do you want me to stay?"

"No, s'okay. Thanks, Sammy."

"No problem. Let me know how it turns out, okay?" 

"Yeah, talk to you later." He ends the call and pushes himself up off the couch, pulling his blanket a little tighter around him as he crosses to the door. When he opens it, he's expecting the police or something come to say that Cas is dead, and he's ready for that, but when he opens the door to Cas' stupid, scruffy face, he can't function. 

There's a seconds' hesitation before they fall into each other, and Dean pulls the blanket around Cas, holding him close against his chest. Cas is babbling in his ear about how they made him go to the hospital because he was inside for the second explosion and how he's fine now but they wouldn't let him have his phone and Dean can't even take it in because he's sobbing into Cas' shoulder. 

"Didn't know what I was gonna do without you."

"I'm here now," Cas breathes, squeezing him tighter. 

Five minutes pass before Dean realizes they're still wrapped around each other in the hallway and he pulls back awkwardly, stepping to the side so Cas can come in properly. He wants to touch him again, just to make sure he's really here, and he wants to kiss him so badly, but he holds back. 

"You should get cleaned up," he says and his voice cracks, but Cas nods.

"I won't be long," he promises and he squeezes Dean's hand as he heads away down the hall. As soon as he's out of sight, Dean collapses onto one of the bar stools, pulling out his phone to text Sam and let him know and thank him again for staying up with him all night. 

Once he's done shaking - mostly - he gets up and makes a pot of tea and some snacks for Cas because he's bound to be starving after everything. He sets them all on a plate and takes it into Cas' room, setting it on his side table before dropping onto Cas' bed. He wants to scream or cry or thank God for sending Cas back to him. He's never been a religious man, but there has to be someone out there who cares how grateful he is that Cas came home in one piece tonight. He's about to get up and leave, but when he turns around Cas is in the doorway in nothing but a pair of boxers, still towel drying his hair. 

He drops his arms, twisting the towel in his hands. "Do you think- would you mind staying? Just for the night."

Dean shakes his head slowly, "you'll be lucky if I ever leave you again." He doesn't mean for it to come out sounding so desperate, but the small smile he gets from Cas is worth it. 

So they eat their snacks and drink their tea and Cas relaxes a little, but he's still vibrating with adrenaline and Dean has to stop himself every couple of seconds to remind himself that Cas is still here. Dean puts on a movie so it's no so damn quiet because neither of them really know what to say and it's a little uncomfortable. 

When they lie down to sleep, Cas sits with his legs over the side of the bed until Dean wraps an arm around him and coaxes him down. He curls around him, pressing his nose into Cas' shoulder and he's not sure which one of them he's trying to comfort, but at this point both of them probably need it and Cas doesn't pull away, so he doesn't think too much about it. They're both still, and though the TV can be heard faintly in the background, it still feels silent until Cas speaks and Dean doesn't quite comprehend what he's saying. 

"Can I tell you something?"

"Mmhm."

"Tonight was..." Cas sighs, "tonight was the first night in a long time that I didn't know if I would make it home to you."

There's so much there that Dean can't really process it and what comes out of his mouth is just, "what?" Cas turns to lie on his back, head tilted to one side to face Dean. 

"Most nights I'm sure of what I'm doing - most nights all we do is drive around and check in and nothing exciting happens. Tonight, I just-" he stops mid-sentence and Dean doesn't push. He doesn't know how to respond anyway if he's honest; in just over a year Cas has become one of the most important people in his life and at the best of times he struggles to relay that to him. Now, he just wants to cry and bury himself in Cas and never let him leave again. Cas has always, _always_ promised to come home, even after the worst incidents, so to hear him say he wasn't sure tonight hurts in a way that's hard for Dean to fully comprehend. 

"When I got down there," Cas continues, "it was mayhem already; people were everywhere, trying to help and just trying to get in to find out if people were okay. The police were struggling to keep everyone out of way-" he looks up at Dean, "I've never seen anything like it, not in person.

"I just tried to think about the people inside and how they must be thinking, I focused on them and then the second bomb went off." Dean visibly recoils and Cas' hand brushes against his leg, soothing. "After that, I could barely think straight, I had to get them out, but I had to get myself out too, and my colleagues- I know it's stupid, but I couldn't stop thinking what if I didn't make it out? What if there were more bombs? What if I set one off? Who would tell you? I kept thinking I had to get out and come home because if I didn't, who would make you eat when you get home at midnight?"

Dean's afraid if he says something too honest, he'll choke, so he opts for humor instead, as much as he can manage. "I'd probably starve." Cas huffs a small laugh, still staring up at the ceiling, and that's good enough for Dean. 

He realizes he missed his chance; if there was a time to admit his feelings to Cas, it was tonight when he walked through that door. At the time all he could think about was how relieved he was that Cas was home and in one piece, and maybe that's all that matters - he has Cas and even if it's not exactly what he wants their relationship to be, Cas is here - warm and solid and safe. 

Cas turns next to him, rolling over so they're face-to-face and Dean's heart starts racing all over again; he resigns himself to not sleeping tonight at best or potentially ending up in the hospital because his poor heart has been through enough tonight. But Cas just looks up at him so sincerely and whispers, "I was so scared."

"Yeah, well," Dean shrugs, "explosions and all that-"

"No," Cas breathes, sliding his palm over Dean's cheek, "I wasn't scared for myself, Dean, I was afraid that I would never see you again."

Dean's brain ceases to function at that point because he would never expect Cas to feel anything so strongly for him, and the words, "me too," slip out without him meaning them to. Before he can correct himself, Cas tips forward and kisses him. Dean's brain is still in shutdown mode, so he follows Cas' lead and lets himself be bundled up and hums against Cas' lips. Cas pulls back, bumping his nose against Dean's and breathing heavily. 

"Is this okay?" he asks and Dean manages to mutter a quiet _yes_ , pulling Cas back toward him.

\- - - - -

After that night, things go back to normal and neither of them mentions the night they spent wrapped around each other in Cas' bed. It doesn't stop Dean from thinking about it, though, especially because he and Cas are so much closer since it happened - both emotionally and physically. Their regular leftovers routine keeps up, and when they're home together, they spend more and more time together than before.

Cas is touchy too, like he was afraid of getting too close before, but now he has no qualms about bumping up against Dean when they're in the kitchen together or brushing a hand down his arm seemingly for no reason. Dean's anything but opposed to this newfound closeness, but they never seem to be able to cross that line into _something more_ and he knows if he doesn't do something about it, nothing's ever going to happen and Cas will probably lose whatever interest he has. 

Cas kissed him first - he knows this, and yet the prospect of telling him how he feels or asking for more leaves Dean breathless and panicky. He wants this to work out more than he's wanted anything for a long time, but he doesn't know what to do or say without sounding like an idiot.

His decision is made for him one afternoon when Cas leaves for work. They're standing in the doorway and Cas turns back to look at him with this soft little smile that takes Dean's breath away. He thinks Cas looks like he wants to kiss him and though he pushes the thought aside, ducking his head, the pink tinge in Cas' cheeks gives him away. Cas slips down the hall with a final goodbye and Dean is left standing alone in the apartment, floundering. 

He's supposed to be doing homework today and he promised Cas he'd make dinner tonight, but after Cas leaves for work he can't do anything but sit and consider his options. He does manage to get dinner made, but he puts the entire meal in the fridge because he's too anxious to eat. He watches TV for a little while, and makes an entire pot of coffee because he wants to be awake when Cas gets home; if he's going to do something about this thing between them, he's going to do it tonight before he chickens out again. 

Cas is supposed to be home around midnight, so at 11:30, Dean gets up and tidies the living room and kitchen before heading to Cas' room, coffee mug in hand. He intends to wait until Cas gets home and sit him down and talk to him; he has a plan - if everything goes well, he'll send Cas to have a shower and he'll get dinner ready. The thought of it alone makes him nervous because he doesn't want Cas to tell him it's all a big misunderstanding. 

As it happens, he has nothing to worry about because he falls asleep before Cas can even get home, and when Cas does get him, he strips down to his boxers without eating anything and climbs in next to him.

\- - - - -

When Dean wakes up in the morning, it's to a soft hand smoothing up his chest, fingers slipping gently over the curve of his collarbone. He's still only half-awake so it doesn't quite register that he fell asleep in _Cas_ ' bed until he opens his eyes to find Cas looking down at him.

"'S weird to watch people sleep," he mumbles, trying to hide the smile that threatens to break free. 

"Mm," Cas hums, "might I remind you that you're in _my_ bed." Dean rolls over to face him and Cas' hand doesn't move but to slip down into the curve of his back and settle there. Dean smiles up at him.

"Good morning."

"It is," Cas grins, "though I have to admit, I'm a little confused."

"This isn't how it was supposed to be," Dean mumbles, embarrassed. "I had a plan," he shifts closer, brushing his knuckles against Cas' bare stomach, "I made dinner, I had everything all ready-"

"But you fell asleep," Cas realizes. He smiles brightly and Dean can't look away; Cas is so soft and understanding that Dean almost doesn't feel bad for falling asleep. 

"I wanted to make everything perfect."

"Dean, I got four hours of sleep last night and I haven't eaten since I went to work yesterday - I'm probably sweaty and disgusting, but this, right here? This is perfect." 

Dean lifts his eyes from where his fingers meet Cas' skin, glancing up at Cas eyes search his, looking for any kind of response. Dean doesn't know what to say, but he slips his hand over the curve of Cas' hip, easing him forward. He catches a flash of a smile before Cas rolls him onto his back, pushing his fingers through Deans' hair. 

"Is this what you were hoping for? Cas asks and Dean huffs a quiet laugh, curling his arms around Cas' neck and bringing him down so their noses bump together. 

"Not exactly, but I'm not complaining." Dean smiles; he's been thinking about this for weeks, but when Cas' lips press down against his, it's so much softer and sweeter than he remembers and Dean shuts his eyes, letting himself feel it. He doesn't resist when Cas' fingers tug at the hem of his shirt and he only lets him pull away to get the shirt over his head, but Cas' hands are back on him in a second, the shirt discarded, unimportant. 

Cas shifts onto his side, sliding his hand lower and Dean pushes off the bed, smoothing his hand down Cas' side. There's no mistaking Cas' intent this time; there's no rush of emotion, no fear of not seeing each other again, just slow and gentle touches and the heat as Cas' skin pressed against his own. For months, things have been tense, a struggle to deal with the arguing or their disastrous sleep schedules or the unbearable sexual tension, but this, here with Cas - this just feels easy. 

When Cas' fingers slip down, pushing under the hem of his pants, Dean's breath catches. He had intended to get changed before Cas got home last night and now he's wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants and there's no way Cas doesn't know that he's completely naked underneath. Seemingly, he's unperturbed, pausing only when Dean's eyes open, catching his gaze. Cas slips lower, just inches from Dean's bare cock, but he pauses, pulling back up and watching Dean with wide eyes. 

"This is okay, right?"

Dean nods, breathing slowly. "Yeah." He slides his hand down over Cas' ass, slipping beneath his underwear and pressing his fingers into the soft skin. He could stay here forever, mapping out Cas' body with his hands, but there will be time for that later, if Cas' enthusiasm is anything to go off, and right now, Dean's body is screaming for something more than soft, lingering touches. He doesn't rush, though; after months of waiting, he can hang in a little longer, especially when Cas has moved away from his mouth and is now intent on kissing every inch of skin above his collar bone. Dean hums softly, pushing his fingers into Cas' hair and letting Cas lead. 

It only lasts a moment before Cas is pulling Dean's arm away, wrapping it back around his hip. "I like when you touch me," he breathes and Dean slides his hands lower, cupping the curve of his ass. "I saw the way you looked at me," Cas hums, punctuating the words with a soft kiss to the underside of his jaw, "sometimes when you didn't realize I was looking. It's been a long time since anyone looked at me like that. I liked that, too."

Dean nods breathlessly before ducking his head and kissing Cas firmly. He pulls him close and Cas shifts to drape himself over Dean, tangling their legs together as he presses his hips down. It catches dean off guard and he moans softly, unintentionally against Cas' mouth, pulling his legs up around him. Cas doesn't give him a chance to be embarrassed about it, running his fingers up the back of Dean's thigh and holding his leg against him. Cas rolls his hips, shifting to fit his legs under Dean's and pressing him back into the mattress. 

With Cas' weight pushing down on him, Dean can barely move, but he arches off the bed, keeping one hand on Cas' ass as he fumbles to push his sweatpants down. Cas pulls away for long enough to let Dean get them down around his feet before he's fitting up against him again, tugging the sweatpants off and tossing them to the side. Dean wraps his legs around him again, but Cas moves down, kissing a line down Dean's stomach until he's just inches from his cock and Dean's thighs are around his shoulders. 

He doesn't see when Cas moves, but then there's wet heat around the head of his cock and Dean curls his fingers in Cas' hair, pushing forward into Cas' mouth. 

He's wanted this, among other things, for months, but now that he's here with Cas' lips wrapped around him, it's so much more than he ever imagined it could be. He's been with men in the past, he's been with women, and he's been with people he thought he was in love with, but there's something different about Cas. He's soft and gentle, but Dean gets the feeling that he could easily tear him apart with just a touch and the thought of it sends a shiver up his spine. 

He squirms and Cas' breath puffs against his skin as he laughs. He pulls back, smiling down at Dean and sits back on his heels, shifting out of his underwear. Cas is stunningly beautiful and as Dean reaches up to touch him, Cas tugs him forward, up into his lap. He wraps Dean in his arms and pulls him close, kissing his nose and his cheek before moving back to kiss his lips. Dean hums against him, parting his lips and sliding his hands up into Cas' hair. 

They move together as one, pressing closer and rocking together, only separating to breathe. Each thrust feels incredible and it doesn't take long before Dean's moaning softly against Cas' mouth, squeezing his eyes shut to keep hold of his control. Cas slips a hand between them, sliding his free hand down to Dean's lower back, holding him close against him as he curls a hand around them both. 

He falters for a second and Dean realizes that maybe Cas isn't as put together as he'd thought he was. Dean arches against him, dropping his head back as Cas ducks down to kiss his neck, mumbling softly against him and nipping at his skin. Dean jerks up against him and Cas stutters, fingers pressing into his back. 

When Dean comes, Cas tips his head to look at him, keeping their eyes locked together as Dean writhes against him. Cas kisses him and Dean lets himself melt into it, rocking frantically against him and then he's coming too, wrapped around Dean and holding him close as they ride through it together. 

Cas smiles against him as Dean slumps and presses him back against the mattress, letting him stretch out under him, and he dips down, flopping onto his side next to him. He kisses him again and Dean turns rolling over into him, smiling at Cas. 

"Good morning," Cas smiles. 

"Yeah," Dean hums, reaching up to push his fingers through Cas' hair, "it is."

\- - - - -

Dean's surprised by how much things don't' change. He and Cas still have the same, shitty schedules, they still don't get any sleep - maybe even less now than they did before - and Cas still drives him absolutely insane wearing his uniform around the apartment. The main difference is that now when Dean has had quite enough of it, he'll pin Cas down against the closest piece of furniture and ride him blind until they're both panting and incredibly late.

Cas still gets on his nerves occasionally, only now when he doesn't call right away, Dean worries less because he's Cas' emergency contact - he'll be the first to know if anything ever happens. It's not until one night, after another close call, when they're curled up on the couch with tea, that Dean realizes how close he came to never meeting Cas in the first place and how they very nearly didn't end up here. 

He's had a lot of relationships start in a lot of different ways, but leftover spaghetti and too many sleepless nights is a new one, even for him. As he tucks his head under Cas' chin, he thinks back on the first day that they spoke; it turns out having his apartment building condemned, just might be the best thing that's ever happened to him.


End file.
